Feelings of all Sorts

Monday 16 November 2009 Cool

Song dedicated by Bear – Lyrics of “Till the End”

Click on mini player on right to listen!

All these precious moments
With you by my side
Must be a gift from heaven
That’s holding me all night

I don’t know how I found you
I’m thankful that I have
Now that I have a love so true
To hold, to keep, to share

*
In my heart I can no longer hold inside
All of the love I used to hide
I’ll always be with you until the very end
In this world there is no place I’d rather be
You are my life, my soul, my girl
You threw it all I know
You’ve come to see that you’re the one till the end

All my friends around me
Say you’d be gone too soon
Baby I’m gonna make them see
We’ve found our way back home

(Repeat*)

We’ll always be till the end

************************************************

Bear has given me the courage to fall in love again.

Like what my friend Chau ever said, “I will love you like I’ve never been hurt before.”

Dear Bear Bear,

I’m just writing to thank you for the care and concern you have been giving me. Chatting with you on Sunday night made me seriously think about our future together. I feel I should really put everything behind me and start anew. It may take some time, but I believe I can overcome it in time to come. I guess, its time to put my trust in you. I don’t mind getting hurt again. I just want to make sure that since I have decided to be with you, I should trust you and that no matter what happens in the future, I want to let myself know that I have really put in the effort to make it work out. I will try to change on my part and learn to lead a healthier lifestyle. I will also learn to respect what you are doing, your likes, your dislikes as well as your habits and beliefs.

I may get emotional along the way when things doesn’t go my way, but no worries, I will learn to overcome them. After all, it takes 2 hands to clap. Its always about compromising 2 different personalities together. Maybe its because I have seen too many things in this World and have learnt to take things slow and with a pinch of salt. So at times, I would do things without thinking of the consequences or how other people might feel. I also tend to be nostalgic at times because I miss my simple, happy and carefree life but, that was something a long time ago… I know I can’t always be living in the past but sometimes, I really can’t help it.

Think you have already “touched” me enough. Heex. Feelings for you is starting to grow, but I might try to control because I’m still afraid to get hurt again… And, that’s where I might do things that may hurt you. If I hurt you, I’m really sorry because I didn’t mean to.

Lastly, don’t reject me when I want to hug you k… Because…

…. That’s my way of saying “I-Love-You Bear Bear”.

Love,

Dar Dar =) Mucks!

************************************************

Some may say its the “honeymoon period” but deep down inside me, I know its not.

Maybe not just yet.

The feeling of being deeply in love more than 3 years ago can never be forgotten, especially when I was so pure, so naive.

I yearn for that feeling but, I guess it takes time.

I really ought to feel bless that I have really kind people coming into my life.

They are like rainbows.

I want to be happy.

To be optimistic about life.

To believe that things will happen.

To do things my 100% and most importantly, for the people around me to be happy.

I can’t believe how much I’m changing for him.

Its like, I’m falling in love again, with someone whose character blends so well with mine.

Like what my friend Billy said, there is really no right or wrong, or fast or slow.

You never know until you try.

If things turn out well, on hindsight you will say it is fated. When shit happens, you will say it is a bit fast.

Makes sense?

The most important thing now is for you to be happy, smile, and enjoy the present relationship.

If it works out, good, if it doesn’t, you learn more about yourself.

Don’t worry, be happy okay?

************************************************

Yes, I will.

This time, I am going to fall in love like a little girl and be devoted.

I know, this time, no more playing mind games and doing silly things.

Once is enough.

Two-timing sucks and communication rules!

Its time to be sensible and mature, well…

Can I opt to be a little girl in front of Bear Bear?

Kekekekeke.

************************************************

On another note, I think I have had enough with this friend, or so called “friend” of mine.

I should have been more firm about severing ties with her after countless attempts by friends to ignore her.

I can’t believe she can lie so well!

Calling me only when she needs my help.

Now, she’s accusing me of things I didn’t do.

She actually called (using a different number) and said she wanted to SUE me for logging into her Facebook account and she was very mean when she said it, further stating that she had the rights to do it as it was infringement of privacy.

I told her I hadn’t logged into her account for months and didn’t see a need to because I already have my own now.

She again accused me that she didn’t give me permission to log into her account in the first place which was a BIG lie!

She had wanted me to go to her account previously to check on whether her friend was stalking her which is why she gave me her password!

She said she couldn’t log into her account and accused me again that I changed her password without her permission and said again that she will SUE me for it!

Like what the FUCK!

I told her to fucking go and die because she had keyed in the wrong email @ which explains why she couldn’t log in while I still could!

Anyhow accuse people!!!

Shitty character.

Alright.

From now onwards, I am no longer related to her in any way.

Just take it as I met the wrong person.

More friends equals more trouble.

But I won’t take her as an enemy because I don’t want enemies in my life!!!

Wonder why people can’t be more kind and better tempered.

So angry!!!

Shouldn’t have cried over this!!!

Waste my tears only!!!

Urgh!!!

************************************************

Anyway, Shannon has got new resolutions for 2010 and I’m excited about them!

2010 will be the opening of new opportunities and beginnings.

24 years old already and its the Year of the Tiger!

The second cycle!

Got to start being more mature and start planning for my future!

Woots!

It may be too early, but planning is better than no planning.

Its the first step to accomplishing things!

Okay okay.

Got to go now.

Going to be late for school.

Till then, enjoy the week!

END with much love: 5.42pm

The Delayed Post

Monday November 9 2009

This guy really something wrong.

Make love also must message to tell me.

Like WTF!!!

Sigh…

Some people.

**************************************************

Came back at 4am last night from JB and Dear fell asleep on my bed almost immediately after lying on it.

He must be really tired.

Was really touched when he set his alarm at 7.30am yesterday morning just to receive any “distress” message from me.

I was really disappointed with someone who didn’t even bother to inform me that he will not be coming for the run and I waited for almost an hour and a half for him.

Can’t be bothered with such un-gentlemanliness.

Sigh…

And so, I ran the 10 km run alone and hurt my knee pretty badly when I ran towards the 8th kilometer.

I heard some crackling sound followed by soreness.

The more I ran, the more intense the pain was and I started limping.

Had no choice but to walk to the finishing point instead…

But, it was a totally new experience I must say.

Then waited for Dear to fetch me and we had a quick lunch at Changi Airport before heading home.

Thanks Dear for coming all the way from Jurong to Changi early in the morning.

~~Big Hug to my Bear~~

**************************************************

For the past 2 weeks, I have been sorting out the confusion I have within me.

I was really afraid that I would take Dear’s care as a substitute of what Bamboo couldn’t give me.

But, I have completely gotten over Bamboo.

As what Michelle told me, there’s no point pining over a jerk who only knows how to receive but not return.

I really have to thank her for the advices she has given.

She really is my Da Jie (Big Sister)!

And also thanks Lou Gong for the support she gives, as always.

Really appreciate it.

The past shall be erased, finally…

Now is a time to find a new job.

A new beginning, for the new year.

Thanks Grandma for praying.

Thanks Angel for everything, thus far, the strength, the hopes.

END: 5.33pm

The “Treasure”

Monday 2 November 2009 Very Warm

Its the second day of November, but unlike past years, I no longer feel nostalgic about the year coming to an end.

School is starting later in the evening and I am excited because though stress, school makes me feel young!

(And Oh My God! Its VERY warm in my room now!!!)

Met Jun at Cityhall earlier and waited for him to end work before proceeding to Selegie to have Dou Jiang You Tiao.

We were sitting back to back with my feet high up on the wall, wind blowing at our faces and eating.

Chatted for a while at Laselle before going to Bedok to send the Dou Jiang You Tiao to Jeremy.

It was a long chat, more like a heart to heart talk.

I could see he was stressed up, but he always spoke with a smile, showing his straight, almost perfect (rabbit) teeth.

Somehow, it was a joy watching him speak.

When he send me home, we chatted again on the stairway, me standing a stair higher than him.

His hug was so secure.

The kiss was passionate.

Stroking my hair and using both his hands to hold my hand, he led me to the lift where we said our goodbyes.

Hearing the sound of his bike sped off, I recalled the same passionate kiss we had last Monday after going out on a date.

That was at Marina Barrage.

He told me to wait for him in the car, which he had borrowed from Choo and told me he had a surprise for me.

I waited and when I received his SMS to walk all the way to the end of the Barrage, I got off the car and found my way to the end where he cued me to look over the fountain.

There it was, a heart made of light sticks and in the middle was a small jewelery box.

He asked me to open it.

Inside was a beautiful pair of earrings.

It was made of a few little diamonds and a dangling star.

I loved it very much.

He told me to take it as a birthday present and to not be stress about it.

I was touched actually, nearly cried because I didn’t expect him to do such things.

Haha!

But I didn’t give him a reply that night, not till I had sorted out the feelings deep inside.

All I can say is, to let nature take its course.

=)

On another note, Daddy told me Grandma actually prayed to Ti Gong (A Chinese God) that I will have a break up with Bamboo.

-_-!!!

But, I am glad Grandma prayed for me.

She must have prayed really hard.

Alright…

Its getting late…

Time to sleep…

Nite Nite Shannon, Nite Nite Jun.

Mucks.

END: 5.18am

S for Saturday!

Saturday 31 October 2009 Rainy

Shannon told Daddy that she is afraid her depression will go into relapse, because the first sign was shown yesterday.

Today, I am seeing shadows and finding people very annoying, even my closest friends.

Alright.

Maybe I think too much.

Hahahahahahaha!

Let’s talk about something happier?

Hmm…

Su Zhen Lou Gong is finally improving bit by bit.

Hope she can be happy…

Erm, I ate Sambal Hotplate Tofu!

And…

I…

Erm…

Okay…

That seems to be it.

Have a nice Sunday tomorrow!

END: 11.20pm

The Kiss, The Night

Thursday 29  October 2009

Everything has been screwed up.

BIG TIME.

But life still goes on nevertheless.

**************************************************

I have been honest.

Now, I can move on without regrets.

And, I have decided to give him a chance…

We’ll see how things work out…

Loves,

Dar Dar.

END: 1.22am

Shocked by Attitude: Total Disappointment

Thursday October 22 2009 Warm

The other side of him is too scary…

It still scares the hell out of me…

And, it has been the reason why I take huge steps back the moment I see this other side.

I now know…

He is not the ONE I’m looking for and, I am very sure now.

It seems my heart has captured the wrong person.

And, it has been wrong all the while.

Totally shocked by the behaviour, even as a friend.

I guess its time to lessen my contacts with him.

I really do not want to feel hurt anymore by his weird behaviour.

**************************************************

I am not in the best of mood today.

Its my last day at work tomorrow and I will really miss the place a lot.

I am just beginning to love the place and now, I am going to hell next month.

Am really really reluctant to change job.

So reluctant that I am really regretting finding that job.

But, its all for the money and resume.

Really hate it when I’m feeling this way.

I love the environment and colleagues there so much!

And, I finally have my own table!

Partner also super funny, cute and helpful.

And, the job is so relaxed!

Aww…

Just what have I got myself into?

Full of regrets!

Sigh…

**************************************************

Ran 6km today and my timing sucked.

But, I ought to give myself a pat on the shoulder as this is the first time I ran 6km without stopping.

I can never go beyond 3km!

Keke.

**************************************************

I am not sure what is happening, but it seems that after regaining my Single Status, I have people congratulating me and telling me that I have made the right choice.

It hurts a lot in the beginning, but its starting to get better now.

A load off my chest and obstacles no longer exists.

I guess, its a good thing after all.

I am also starting to wonder what is attractive about me?

Seriously…

I should start finding more girlfriends…

I want no more people falling in love with me…

I don’t want amazing friendships turning awkward.

Oh man…

I need a break…

I should really lie on bed now and start meditating…

Or count sheep…

Yeah…

That’s what I should do…

Sleep Shannon, Sleep…

Buzz!

END: 11.25pm

My Destiny. My Fate

Monday October 19 2009 Very Warm

I’m beginning to feel extremely lonely and am having the tendency to go back to my messy life.

This time, with my Single Status.

But then, I chanced upon an email which made me stop having those silly thoughts.

An email which reminded me of the silly if not, stupid things that I did/behaved in the past.

Not worth going through them again.

It is really, immature thinking, on my part.

**************************************************

Today’s swimming was more on venting some emotions.

Jeremy was funny, but my laughter was fake.

With every lap I swam, I was thinking of solutions, solutions and more solutions.

Till I got a headache.

And then, I realised, there’s really nothing much to think about.

I just have to be there when she needs me and that’s enough since I can’t do anything.

And, I was also telling Jeremy that good things never lasts for me.

I am so comfortable with my current job now that I am extremely reluctant to switch to a new job.

In fact, I’m starting to hate it.

x.X

I’ve got to be frank on this.

Shit.

**************************************************

We’ll be together if we’re meant to be one OR perhaps I would rely on my ability to win your heart in the future? =) (so drama .. dots.. )

Don’t be sad and confused le!

You are:

M – agnanimous

I   – dealistic

S  – mart

S  – Sweet

Y  – outhful

O  – utstanding

U  – nique

I meant the words, and I do ..  =D

Thanks for the encouragement.

It has been very sweet and its what I need now.

However, my heart needs a rest now.

Have really done enough stupid things when I was with Bamboo.

Its time to move on and get a life.

**************************************************

Angel, I’ve got a confession to make.

My heart has been captured by someone else.

And, the chicken soup today was SHIOK!

END: 11.53pm

What the…

Monday 12 October 2009 Warm

Guys…

They can be so childish at times…

But, they can be so caring…

So lovable…

So generous…

So fun….

So honest…

So gentle…

So humorous…

So helpful…

So understanding…

Thanks guys for the laughter, fun and treats yesterday.

**************************************************

Starting a new job on the 2nd of November in a Travel Industry.

My internship to be precise.

6 months, followed by an 8-month bond.

This will be my first official full-time job and it will definitely take some getting used to since I have worked part-time most of the time.

A very high-stress level job and this time, I signed the contract without thinking of the consequences because I got to do what I ought to do.

I have to face the fear instead of running away from it.

The past experiences in the working industry has left me very wounded, but, it has taught me a lot too.

I would just have to persevere and accept the challenge.

I am afraid, yes, but… I got to be strong…

**************************************************

Daddy accompanied me to the doctor today to get my medicine as well as to get my MC for absence at work today.

Woke up with puffy eyes today as I was very free yesterday and decided to cry the whole day.

Was very emotional yesterday but the guys cheered me up with buffet and K Singing.

Anyway, I didn’t know that the clinic had changed its closing time and when I went in wanting to purchase my medicine, the nurse blatantly told us that it was close.

I told the nurse that I needed the medicine urgently as I am having a relapse of reflux and she told me again that the clinic was closed.

I really want to KILL that nurse!

I told her it is okay if the doctor doesn’t want to see me as my medical record is there and that she can just give me the medicine.

BUT, she tells me for the third time, with an annoyed face, that the clinic was closed.

When I turned around to see my Daddy, tears just formed in my eyes.

Daddy told me its okay and to get it the next morning instead.

I went home and told my manager about it as I was so scared the company will strike me as AWOL.

But he close one eye.

Am grateful to him…

Really grateful…

(Though I need to bribe him with soft shell crabs -_-!!)

**************************************************

Best buddies are in Bangkok now and they just curse the Tuk Tuk for overcharging them.

Reminds me of a sweet vacation I had with someone almost a year back.

Got cheated like crazy too.

%$#$&*@%%!!

**************************************************

I am now wondering if I should give myself another chance in the relationship “department”.

Its a long and shocking story, but, I have decided to let go of my current relationship once and for all.

And, for the first time, I am very glad I did.

I am not going to look back anymore because I have been “awakened”.

Keep it up Shannon.

You are doing well.

**************************************************

Cute Doraemon in my manager’s car.

A funny story behind it.

Haha.

Thanks Dexter for reminding me on how not-serious you can be at times.

Keke.

Okie.

Shannon needs to go to bed now.

Needs to rest well and eat well tomorrow.

Don’t want to get a scolding from instructor again.

Hai…

What to do…

I am Wonder Woman…

**************************************************

Just for “reference.”

:p

I Hate This Job, And You! Letter
(Not recommended!)

Dear [Recipient's name]:

Yesterday I woke up and realized that this is the worst career experience I’ve ever had. Therefore, I’m officially notifying you of my resignation from [company name]. My last day will be today.

This company has many problems. [insert problems here]

On top of that, I can’t stand to work for you any longer. You, alone, have been a constant source of pain and suffering for me ever since I started this job. I can’t understand how you made it this far in the professional community.

Today is a great day for me. I will never have to see, hear or listen to you ever again. Goodbye, and good-riddance!

Warmest Regards,

[Your Signature]

END: 12.25am

Why?

Sunday 11 October 2009 Very warm

I really don’t know what wrong I did to deserve such things early in the morning.

Quarreled with Mummy on unreasonable things.

Didn’t want to talk to her at all but she insisted I say something to her.

Exploded.

I really didn’t want to see her in the morning and had planned my time to wake up at a specific time but had to wake up early as my instructor woke me up.

Tried to rush down after Mummy asked me to finish the household chores but instructor left…

Sat on the bench and cried.

Went home and parents were quarreling…

Locked myself in the room…

Write my blog…

Called Daddy to run with me…

I just hope my afternoon will be filled with more laughter.

END: 10.26am

Received a super sad and discouraging SMS…

Maybe… I should really think twice about continuing my training…

I’m already trying really really hard…

Bearing with the unbearable pain I felt on my body every time I did my training and the horrible giddiness and nausea.

I really tried to overcome it and tried to love exercising, but the end result is always, “I haven’t tried enough…”

That SMS really made me cry hard…

But I guess its my fault…

I never do things right.

Heartache with a tinge of demoralisation

Wednesday 7 October 2009 Warm

Last paper tomorrow, but my heart is aching so much I can’t concentrate on what I’m reading.

I would read a sentence and think of something else.

Head full of question marks and I couldn’t contain it any longer and told Mummy about it.

She told me to be patient.

And wait.

Maybe I should…

But how long?

Mummy told me that I have lots of people around who loves me and that I should learn to love those around me more.

But I don’t know how.

I’ve always thought people should learn to be independent and to settle their own problems.

At least, that was how I was taught and brought up.

Seriously, loving people is so hard.

When I try too hard, it becomes too fake for me.

So I always try to listen and listen, and listen…

I really listen very hard but I don’t talk about it, unless you want me to as sometimes, my opinions are too raw, and harsh.

Anyway, exercising on Thursday and Friday before I go for my Happy Hour on Sunday.

Just hope the whole thing will end soon.

The pain is getting unbearable…

END:7.48pm